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Ways to meet your demise at fashion week — just some dark thoughts I had while waiting for a bus in the rain, with sore feet and a possibly strained shoulder, back, neck, or mind.
1) The most common way to get injured at fashion week? Tripping on the cobblestones at Somerset House in your sky-high heels and possibly breaking your neck. Most people wouldn’t even rush to help—they might assume it’s part of one of those artsy performances that keep popping up, like the coffin carried through the courtyard last Saturday. And even if they realized you were genuinely hurt, they wouldn’t help because they’d be in heels too, risking their own necks. Who came up with the idea of cobbles? “I know — let’s have a fashion event where everyone’s in stilettos.” “Where?” “Hmm, well, there aren’t any cattle grids in London, so let’s go with cobbles.”
2) Being mortified if you’re caught sneaking a seat in the front row when you only have a standing ticket. I’ve seen it happen. It’s like being caught shoplifting in a sex shop. (I think.) The embarrassment of being found out upgrading your fashion week ticket is unmatched by anything else.
3) Slipping on an empty carton of Vita Coco coconut water. Last season it was all about Vitamin Water—at least those bottles rolled away when you stepped on them. But Vita Coco cartons? They squeeze and slide, like a banana peel at fashion week. Perfect for a double-threat on those cobblestones.
4) Overloading on Vita Coco coconut water and ending up dehydrated after 26 hours of non-stop bathroom trips. It’s supposed to be super hydrating, but trust me, after losing about 17 pounds in the loo, you won’t feel hydrated. Tip: don’t drink too much coconut water. Go easy on the Coco.
5) Walking right into a glass wall thinking it’s a doorway because your sunglasses are so dark, they blind you. Tip: indoors, you don’t need shades. Without them, you’ll notice when another room isn’t open space, but rather a mirror or a glass wall. Avoid being the first to tumble out the 32nd floor of Heron Tower by taking your glasses off.
6) I could probably come up with more ways but I’d rather not push my luck. I’ve already had close calls with numbers 1, 3, and 4. Next fashion week, I plan to bring Imodium and wear mountaineer crampons.