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There’s a mole catcher who’s quite famous around Somerset, and his van sports a really catchy ad. I finally managed to snap a photo of it when he parked right in front of me: “No Mole No Fee.” Isn’t that one of the most clever slogans for a business in the UK? It’s so unique. It casually assumes that moles might not even show up or that dealing with moles is just an ordinary thing.
What intrigues me is how this offer works. Does it mean if he doesn’t catch a mole, you don’t pay? Are there specific terms and conditions, like some kind of legal agreement with hidden clauses? Do you still get charged if the mole is caught but escapes later? And what exactly counts as “no mole”? Can someone prank call the Mole Catcher when there’s definitely no mole, just for laughs? It would be a funny, albeit poor, business model if he kept visiting homes for no reason.
“Morning! Got a mole to catch?”
“Nope.”
“Alright then, no mole no fee! Have a nice day.”
After pondering for a bit, it hit me: it simply means if he doesn’t catch a mole, you don’t pay. But I then wondered, does he work harder than other catchers who charge no matter what? It seems like the “No Mole No Fee” guy would do anything to catch that little critter. I have no idea how they do it, and I’m a bit scared to find out, but I imagine a comical scene with gadgets like in cartoons.
I picture his disappointment after blowing up half a garden and still no mole, walking away empty-handed.
“Curse that sneaky mole!”
Maybe he’d even come knocking after weeks of trying, all camouflaged and tired, confessing he tried everything but couldn’t coax the mole out.
What dedication!
This got me thinking about other businesses that might adopt a “No [Something] No Fee” approach. It’s a sweet deal for customers, isn’t it? Imagine if delivery companies had it; they’d have to deliver properly or risk going broke. “No Parcel, No Fee” could stop them from tossing packages into bizarre places.
Or consider a “No Answer No Fee” policy for those frustrating customer service experiences that seem bad across the board—whether with phone companies or insurance. Imagine a refund if you wait over twenty minutes on a call or get hung up on. Better yet, recovering all the money you’ve ever spent with them if you’re forced to repeat yourself endlessly.
I’ve had some awful customer service experiences recently, ones that made me clench my teeth. So the idea of “No Service, No Fee,” or even “Bad Service, No Fee,” sounds very appealing.