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Last week, I thought about ordering some vintage side tables from the Netherlands, but the delivery time was estimated at 4-5 weeks. Since these are already-made secondhand tables, I can’t understand why it would take so long. Honestly, in that period, I could probably build my own tables, carving the wood myself and even taking a crash course in glass blowing to make the tabletops.
If I rented a van and drove to the Netherlands myself, the trip would only take two days. In fact, Google Maps shows it’s about an eight-hour drive one way. So, if I powered through with some caffeine, I could make it there and back in one day.
I can’t figure out what transport method could possibly take 4-5 weeks. Perhaps they’re going by boat, which might be the slowest option. But how long is a crossing from the Netherlands anyway? Are they using a rowing boat? A canoe? Does the boat go around various ports like a minibus from a wedding, picking up and dropping off along the way?
The idea of such a slow journey makes me think of a scenario where the boat detours to the east coast of Scotland for some frozen organic salmon, while the furniture from the Netherlands complains below deck.
After some more Googling, I found out I could actually walk to Amsterdam in about 79 hours. Sure, walking back with two brass side tables might take longer, but I bet I could do it in under two weeks for free. There’s even a “collect in person” option, so maybe I’ll catch them by surprise.
When I arrive and ask to pick up the tables, they might offer to help load them into a van. But I’d surprise them by saying I’m on foot. It might sound crazy, but it’s a lot quicker than waiting 28-35 days for delivery.
The only way I can imagine delivery taking this long is if sparrows were delivering the tables. Picture a scenario like in “James and the Giant Peach,” where sparrows are tied to the tables, flying slowly and getting lost, possibly ending up in Barcelona, needing more sparrows to correct their course.
Or perhaps they’re using an enchanted van. A magical van that can turn into a carousel or a submarine but can only drive in circles, taking weeks before it reaches its final destination.
Anyway, wish me luck. I’m off to fetch the tables tomorrow. Last time I walked more than ten miles, I twisted my ankle…